


this isn't how it's supposed to be

by CharlotteDaBookworm



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Nyx Ulric's Self-Esteem, Pain, Pre-Canon, Self-Blame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 20:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19117231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlotteDaBookworm/pseuds/CharlotteDaBookworm
Summary: “Nyx!”A burst of gunfire.“Selena!”A scream.





	this isn't how it's supposed to be

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own FFXV. The title and the in-fic quotations are from a poem by Fortesa Latifi

_All my grief says the same thing:_

**_This isn’t how it’s supposed to be._ **

_***_

A laugh.

 

“Nyx!”

 

A burst of gunfire.

 

“ _Selena!”_

A scream.

 

_***_

**_This isn’t how it’s supposed to be_ ** _._

_***_

“ _No.”_ He skidded to a stop at her side, falling to his knees without a thought to any Nifs that might be around. His heart was beating a mile a minute, bile rising in his throat as he stripped off his shirt.

 

She hardly twitched as he pressed the fabric to gaping wounds, red warmth quickly soaking it through.

 

_“No, no, no, no, **no**_.”

 

Nyx pressed down harder, looking around desperately for more fabric, for something to pack the wound, for anything because _this couldn’t be happening, he couldn’t lose her too._

 

_He was supposed to protect her_.

 

“You’re gonna be fine, gonna be just fine, everything’s going to be fine, you’re gonna be _fine_ ,” he muttered over and over forcefully. He didn’t know who he was trying to convince.

 

Himself, maybe.

 

His chest burned.

 

Her eyes fluttered open, staring up at him hazily, before she smiled. “I- I win.” Selena gestured weakly to the bodies around them, to where her sword was buried in the ground – multiple MT’s impaled on it.

 

A choked laugh, half a sob, burst out of his throat. “Yeah.” He nodded, forcing a smile for her. She’d definitely won their stupid little competition. His eyes prickled with unshed tears. He couldn’t _breathe_. “Yeah, little moon. You won. Beat me fair and square.”

 

“Not-” she coughed, body seizing with the force of it. “Not like it’s hard.”

 

“You little _brat_ ,” he choked out, not meaning a word of it. He pressed down harder on the shirt. Blood spilt onto his hands. “Mum’s going to kill me for this,” he muttered automatically when the sound of her laboured breathing became too much to bear, bowing his head over his hands. Tears welled up and over, dripping down his face.

 

His breath shuddered in his chest when he remembered that their mum was dead. And now-

 

\- _now-_

 

-If only he’d been here. If only he hadn’t let go of her, hadn’t lost sight, hadn’t gotten distracted by those other MT’s instead of _helping her_.

 

If only he hadn’t made it into a fucking _game_ …

 

She patted at his arm. “There, there.” She whispered, pale and so _small_. “’wouldn’ kill you for losin’ to me. ‘m an adult now. Trained.”

 

The breath he took was a sob as he looked at her, tears dribbling into his wan smile. “Barely. You’re _barely_ an adult. And I meant the shirt.” He couldn’t help the weak joke, trying to hide the way that he was shaking, the way that his heart was breaking.

 

Selena laughed, the sound breathy and high, and then she coughed. And coughed. And _coughed_.

 

Blood bubbled against her lips.

 

He pressed down harder.

 

_***_

_And the world laughs._

_Holds my hope by the throat._

_Says:_

 

**_But this is how it is:_ **

***

Nyx already knew it would do nothing. He had no idea how she was even still alive.

 

Her blood was warm against his skin.

 

“ _You’re gonna be fine, little moon, you’re gonna be fine_ ,” he said, pressing down harder, cursing when the bleeding wouldn’t _stop_.

 

Why wouldn’t it stop?

 

Why couldn’t he even do _this_ right?

 

Selena shook her head slightly, in denial of his words or because of blood loss, he didn’t know, but his little sister was pale and shivering and bleeding and every breath she took wheezed like she had a knife in her lungs.

 

“You’re gonna be _fine_ ,” he insisted, even though he knew she’d be anything but. Even though he knew she was- even though he knew there was nothing he could do.

 

She was going to die.

 

A sob burst out of his chest, his hands clenching into fists in his bloody shirt.

 

Her hand gripped his arm with sudden strength and his gaze flew to her face, her eyes were surprisingly clear as she mouthed words at him – the effort of speaking beyond her. He shook his head – in denial, in acceptance, because he didn’t know what else to do, because he couldn’t do anything else – even as he bit his lip to contain another sob.

 

Selena smiled.

 

She stopped. So did his heart.

 

Silence.

 

_No. nononononono, please no, **please**_.

 

She didn’t take another breath.

 

Her hand fell from his arm.

 

He sat back on his heels, finally moving his hands from his chest, staring down at the blood that stained them. At his _sister’s_ blood. Tears ran freely down his face. He shook with silent sobs.

 

And then he gathered his sister – too pale, too still, she was never this still – up in his arms.

 

Nyx brushed her hair from her face, leaving trails of blood across pale skin as he did so, leaning down to brush a kiss to the top of her head as he sobbed.

 

He pressed their foreheads together, rocking them back and forth gently.

 

“I love you, I’m sorry, I love you so much and I’m sorry, I am so _sorry_ little moon, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, _I’m so sorry…”_

 

***

_Run, you idiot. Don’t let them catch you_.

 

Selena’s last words, the ones that she didn’t have the breath left to say, lodged themselves in his heart.

 

Gunfire sounded in the distance.

 

***

Nyx ran.

 

They didn’t catch him.

 

***

Not yet.

**Author's Note:**

> I decided that it had been far too long since I'd last written anything that was pure angst, so have this mess (that was originally a part of a larger one shot that I gave up on last month)
> 
> Anyway, tell me what you think


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